How to Handle Workplace Bullying: A Complete Guide

You're not imagining it.

That knot in your stomach before work? The Sunday night dread that starts Saturday afternoon? The way you replay conversations, wondering if you're the problem?

You're not the problem.

Workplace bullying affects nearly 30% of American workers at some point in their careers. And here's what makes it so insidious: unlike schoolyard bullying, it's often invisible. Sophisticated. Deniable.

Your bully might never raise their voice. They might smile while they're doing it.

This guide isn't about positive thinking your way through abuse. It's a practical roadmap for documenting what's happening, understanding your options, protecting your mental health, and—when necessary—getting out safely.

Because you deserve to work somewhere that doesn't break you.

What Counts as Workplace Bullying?

Let's start with what you're probably already asking yourself: Is this really bullying, or am I being too sensitive?

Here's the thing: if you're asking that question, something is wrong. Healthy workplaces don't leave you questioning your own perception of reality.

Workplace bullying is repeated, health-harming mistreatment that includes:

Verbal abuse, threats, or intimidation
Work interference or sabotage
Humiliation (public or private)
Isolation or exclusion

The key word is repeated. A single rude comment isn't bullying. A pattern of behavior designed to undermine, control, or harm you? That's bullying.

And it doesn't have to come from a manager. Peers can bully. Subordinates can bully. Clients and customers can bully.

Types of Workplace Bullying

Verbal Bullying The obvious stuff: yelling, name-calling, constant criticism that goes beyond constructive feedback. But also the subtle stuff—sarcasm disguised as humor, backhanded compliments, condescending tones that make you feel small.

"I'm just joking" is the bully's favorite shield.

Social Bullying This one's harder to prove. Being excluded from meetings you should attend. Finding out about team lunches after they happen. Having colleagues stop talking when you walk in. Rumors. Gossip. The slow assassination of your reputation.

Cyber Bullying Aggressive emails CC'd to everyone. Public criticism in Slack channels. Passive-aggressive messaging. Screenshots shared without context.

Institutional Bullying When the system itself becomes the weapon. Impossible deadlines. Shifting goalposts. Being set up to fail. Denied resources everyone else receives. Policies applied to you and mysteriously waived for others.

Bullying vs. Tough Management

This is where it gets complicated. Because legitimate management—even demanding management—isn't bullying.

It's probably tough management if:

Criticism focuses on specific work behaviors, not your character
Expectations are high but consistent and achievable
Feedback is private and constructive
The manager treats everyone with similar rigor
You understand what success looks like

It's probably bullying if:

You're singled out for treatment others don't receive
Standards change or are unclear on purpose
Personal attacks accompany work criticism
You're publicly humiliated
Nothing you do is ever good enough, regardless of results
You feel targeted rather than challenged

The difference often comes down to intent. Tough managers want you to improve. Bullies want you to suffer.

Trust your gut. If you dread interactions with a specific person because you know you'll leave feeling diminished—pay attention to that.

Step 1: Document Everything

I know documentation sounds exhausting. When you're already depleted, the last thing you want is homework.

But here's why it matters: bullies are often charming to everyone except their targets. When you eventually report (or need to prove your case), you'll be going up against someone who's carefully cultivated a positive reputation.

Your documentation is your proof.

What to Record

For each incident, capture:

Date and time - Be specific. "Tuesday afternoon" is less useful than "Tuesday, March 12, 2024, approximately 2:30 PM."
Location - Conference room B. The break room. Your desk. Be exact.
What was said or done - Direct quotes when possible. "You're such a disappointment" is more powerful than "she criticized me."
Who witnessed it - Even if you think they won't back you up. Names matter.
How you responded - Your reaction matters for the record.
How it affected you - Physical symptoms count. "I had a panic attack in the parking lot afterward" is relevant.
Any context - What happened immediately before? Was there a trigger you could identify?

Document the pattern, not just individual incidents.

Bullies are masters of plausible deniability. Each incident in isolation might seem minor. "She just asked a question." "He was just offering feedback." "Maybe they were having a bad day."

But a pattern tells a different story. Twenty "minor" incidents over three months reveals systematic mistreatment.

How to Store Evidence

Rule #1: Never use company devices or accounts.

Everything on your work computer belongs to your employer. Your work email can be accessed by IT. Your Slack messages aren't private.

Instead:

Personal email: BCC your personal account on important exchanges. Forward relevant emails to yourself.
Personal device: Take photos of physical documents. Screenshot messages from your personal phone.
Cloud storage: Use Google Drive, Dropbox, or iCloud—on personal accounts—to store your documentation.
Physical copies: Print important documents and keep them at home.

Create a running log.

A simple Google Doc works. Date it, write what happened, save it. The timestamps become evidence.

Save positive performance evidence too.

Client compliments. Successful project completions. Positive emails from colleagues or other managers. If your bully starts claiming you're underperforming, you'll need proof that says otherwise.

Step 2: Know Your Options

You have more options than you think. But—and I wish this weren't true—none of them are guaranteed to fix the situation.

Knowing your options helps you make informed decisions about which battles to fight and when.

Internal Reporting

Your manager (if they're not the bully)

Sometimes bullying stops when someone in authority shines a light on it. If your manager is trustworthy, a private conversation might be your first step.

Come prepared:

Specific examples (this is where your documentation pays off)
Clear statement of what's happening
Request for specific action

Let's be honest about HR: they exist to protect the company, not you. This doesn't mean they're useless—just that you should understand their primary motivation.

HR may help if:

The bully's behavior creates legal liability for the company
Multiple complaints exist about the same person
You present clear, documented evidence of policy violations
They believe you might escalate externally

HR may not help if:

The bully is highly valued or senior
It's your word against theirs with no documentation
The company culture tolerates or rewards the behavior

When filing an HR complaint:

Submit in writing (creates a record)
Stick to facts, not emotions
Reference specific policy violations if possible
Request a follow-up meeting and timeline
Keep copies of everything you submit

Skip-level management

If your direct manager is the problem, going to their manager is an option. Be aware this often escalates conflict before resolving it.

HR Complaints

When you file with HR, be strategic:

Use their language. Review your employee handbook. Is the behavior "harassment"? "Hostile work environment"? "Policy violation"? Use official terminology when applicable.

Frame it as a business problem. "This behavior is affecting team productivity" lands differently than "she's mean to me."

Request specific outcomes. "I would like the behavior to stop and for there to be no retaliation" is clearer than "I want something done."

Get everything in writing. If HR responds verbally, follow up with "per our conversation" emails summarizing what was discussed.

External Resources

Sometimes internal channels fail. Know your external options:

EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission) If bullying includes discrimination based on protected characteristics (race, sex, religion, age, disability, etc.), you may have legal recourse. File a charge at eeoc.gov.

State agencies Many states have labor boards that handle workplace complaints. Requirements and protections vary by state.

An employment attorney Consultations are often free. An attorney can tell you if you have a case and what documentation strengthens it.

Your union (if applicable) Union representatives can advocate for you in ways you can't advocate for yourself.

Employee Assistance Program (EAP) Most companies offer free confidential counseling through EAPs. Not a solution to bullying, but support while you navigate it.

Step 3: Protect Yourself

While you're deciding how to handle the situation, you still have to survive it. This section is about making your days more bearable.

Setting Boundaries

Boundaries with a bully are complicated. You can't control their behavior, but you can control your exposure and response.

Limit one-on-one interactions when possible. Request to have witnesses present for meetings. Suggest moving conversations to email "for clarity." Bring a trusted colleague when you anticipate confrontation.

Use neutral language. When forced to interact:

"I understand you're concerned about X."
"Let me look into that and get back to you."
"I hear what you're saying."

These responses neither escalate nor submit. They're professional enough to protect you while revealing nothing.

Create buffer time. If possible, don't schedule important work immediately after interacting with your bully. Give yourself recovery space.

Know your exit lines.

"I need to step away for a moment."
"Let me think about this and follow up."
"I have another commitment right now."

Practice these until they're automatic. You deserve escape routes.

Managing Your Response

Here's what your body already knows: bullying is traumatic. Your nervous system responds to workplace threats the same way it responds to physical threats.

That racing heart before meetings? Normal stress response.

The brain fog after confrontations? Your body protecting itself.

The exhaustion that hits you the moment you get home? You've been surviving all day.

Strategies that help:

Breathe intentionally. When your nervous system is activated, slow exhales signal safety. Before meetings, after incidents—breathe.

Move your body. Stress hormones need somewhere to go. Walk at lunch. Take the stairs. Let your body discharge what it's carrying.

Ground yourself. Five things you can see. Four you can hear. Three you can touch. This interrupts the spiral.

Protect your sleep. I know it's hard when your mind races. But sleep deprivation makes everything worse. If you're struggling, talk to your doctor.

Separate yourself from the situation. You are not your job. What's happening at work is not a reflection of your worth. This is hard to believe when you're in it. It's also true.

When It's Time to Leave

Nobody wants to be pushed out of a job they've earned. It feels like losing. Like they won.

But sometimes leaving is winning. Sometimes leaving is choosing yourself over a situation that's destroying you.

Warning Signs

Your health is deteriorating.

Chronic headaches. Digestive issues. Chest pain. Weight changes. Insomnia. Depression. Anxiety attacks.

Your body keeps the score. When it starts breaking down, it's telling you something.

You've become someone you don't recognize.

You're short with your family. You cry in your car. You drink more than you used to. You don't enjoy things you used to enjoy.

Work should not fundamentally change who you are.

Internal channels have failed.

You've reported. You've documented. Nothing changed—or things got worse.

Some organizations protect bullies. If yours does, staying won't change that.

The situation is escalating.

If the bullying is intensifying, that's your signal. Things rarely get better on their own.

You fantasize about escape.

Daydreaming about quitting, getting fired, even getting injured enough to not work—these are signs your psyche is desperate for relief.

Listen to it.

Exit Planning

If you decide to leave, do it strategically:

Don't quit in anger. As satisfying as a dramatic exit sounds, it rarely serves you.

Start your job search quietly. Update LinkedIn carefully. Use a personal email for applications. Take calls during lunch or after hours.

Time your departure. If you can, wait until after bonus payouts, vesting dates, or other financial milestones.

Consider unemployment eligibility. If you quit, you may not qualify. But if you're forced out or conditions are truly intolerable (constructive dismissal), you might.

Get references lined up. Identify colleagues, clients, or other managers who will speak positively about you.

Don't sign anything without reading it. Severance agreements often include clauses about non-disparagement or claims waiver. Consult an attorney if needed.

Secure your documentation. Before you lose access to work systems, make sure all your evidence is saved externally.

Recovering from Workplace Bullying

You got out. Or you're getting out. Or you're processing while you're still in it.

Either way—what happened to you matters. And recovery takes time.

The Emotional Toll

Workplace bullying often creates symptoms similar to PTSD. This isn't dramatic—it's documented.

You might experience:

Hypervigilance (waiting for the next attack)
Avoidance (fearing new workplaces, managers, or colleagues)
Intrusive thoughts (replaying incidents, imagining confrontations)
Negative beliefs about yourself ("I must have deserved it," "I'm not good enough")
Emotional numbness or exhaustion

These responses make sense. Your nervous system learned that work isn't safe. It's trying to protect you.

But protection strategies that served you in a toxic environment can hold you back in a healthy one.

Rebuilding Confidence

Acknowledge what happened.

You were mistreated. You didn't deserve it. Your feelings are valid.

This isn't about wallowing—it's about truthfulness. Denial blocks healing.

Separate the bully's narrative from reality.

Bullies often distort their targets' self-perception. They convince you that you're incompetent, too sensitive, or the problem.

Their narrative served their needs. It wasn't the truth about you.

Look at your actual track record. Your skills. Your accomplishments. The people who value you. That's who you are.

Take time before your next role.

If you can afford it, give yourself breathing room. A few weeks between toxic job and new job can make a significant difference.

If you can't take time off, be intentional about boundaries in your new role. Ease in slowly. Don't try to prove yourself immediately.

Find support.

A therapist who understands workplace trauma can be invaluable. Look for someone who specializes in occupational or career issues.

Support groups exist for workplace bullying survivors. You're not alone in this.

Friends and family who believe you and validate your experience matter more than you might realize.

Let your body recover.

Your nervous system needs to learn that it's safe again. This isn't just mental—it's physical.

Gentle movement. Rest. Time in nature. Laughter. Good food. Sleep.

Your body has been on high alert. Give it permission to stand down.

Start small.

You don't have to feel fully confident to begin rebuilding. Confidence comes from evidence—from doing things and seeing that you can.

Small wins accumulate. Take on one thing at a time.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is workplace bullying illegal?

In most U.S. states, general workplace bullying isn't illegal unless it's tied to discrimination against a protected class (race, sex, age, disability, etc.) or rises to harassment levels. However, several states are considering legislation, and some have passed healthy workplace bills. Check your state's specific laws, and know that even if behavior isn't illegal, it may still violate company policy.

What if HR doesn't take my complaint seriously?

This happens more often than it should. If internal channels fail, consider escalating to higher management, consulting an employment attorney to understand your legal options, filing complaints with external agencies (like the EEOC if discrimination is involved), and documenting HR's non-response as part of your record. Sometimes the most powerful choice is to leave and find an environment that deserves you.

Can I be fired for reporting workplace bullying?

Retaliation for reporting is illegal if your complaint involves protected activity (like discrimination). However, proving retaliation can be challenging. This is why documentation matters—if your performance reviews suddenly turn negative after reporting, or you're excluded from opportunities you previously had access to, that pattern suggests retaliation. Document any changes in your treatment after reporting.

How do I know if I'm being too sensitive?

If you're asking this question, you've probably been told you're being too sensitive—possibly by your bully. Here's a reality check: trust your body. If your physical and emotional health is suffering, something real is happening. Ask yourself if others treated this way would feel distressed. Talk to trusted people outside work about specific incidents. Consider whether the person treats everyone this way or targets you specifically. Sensitivity isn't a character flaw. It's information about your environment.

How long does it take to recover from workplace bullying?

There's no universal timeline. Factors include how long the bullying lasted, whether you had support during it, your prior history with trauma, and what resources you have for recovery. Some people feel better within months of leaving a toxic situation. Others carry effects for years. Recovery isn't linear—you might feel fine for weeks then get triggered by something in a new job. Be patient with yourself. Get professional support if you're struggling. This was real trauma. You're allowed to need real time to heal.

Moving Forward

If you're in the middle of workplace bullying right now, I want you to know: you're not weak for struggling. You're not overreacting. And you're not alone.

What you're experiencing is designed to make you feel isolated, crazy, and powerless. That's how bullying works.

But you have more power than you think. You can document. You can report. You can protect yourself. And if the system fails you—you can leave and rebuild somewhere worthy of your talents.

Your body has been carrying this. It's been sending you signals—anxiety, exhaustion, physical symptoms—trying to tell you something is wrong.

Listen to it. Trust yourself. And know that there's a version of your career on the other side of this that doesn't cost you your health, your confidence, or your sense of self.

You deserve that.

Ready to take action?

I've created a free Workplace Bullying Documentation Template + Email Scripts to help you record incidents professionally and communicate effectively with HR. You'll get clear templates for what to document, how to format it, and exact scripts for escalation emails.

[Get the free template here] — because you shouldn't have to figure this out alone.

If you're dealing with the physical and emotional effects of workplace stress, you might also want to explore how your body stores and releases tension. [Learn about our body-based approach to stress relief →]

Last updated: February 2, 2026