Divorce Checklist: 50 Things to Do Before, During & After

If you're reading this, you're probably facing one of the most difficult transitions of your life. Whether you've decided to leave, been asked to leave, or are somewhere in between—this is overwhelming.

There's so much to think about. Legal. Financial. Emotional. And it all seems urgent and impossible at the same time.

This guide is designed to cut through the chaos. It's organized by timeline—what to do before filing, during the process, and after it's final—so you can focus on what's relevant to your current phase.

It covers the practical tasks you need to complete. But it also acknowledges something most divorce checklists ignore: you're a human being going through grief, not just a collection of documents to gather and accounts to close.

A Note on Legal Advice: This checklist provides general guidance and should not be considered legal advice. Divorce laws vary significantly by state. Always consult with a family law attorney in your jurisdiction for advice specific to your situation.

Let's begin.

---

Part 1: Before Filing (Items 1-15)

The preparation phase matters more than most people realize. What you do before announcing your intentions can significantly impact the legal outcome, your financial position, and your emotional stability.

This doesn't mean being sneaky or combative. It means being informed and protected.

Financial Preparation

1. Pull your credit report

Get reports from all three bureaus (Equifax, Experian, TransUnion). You can access these free at AnnualCreditReport.com.

Know your credit score baseline. Identify any accounts or debts you didn't know about. You need a complete picture of your financial life before you start dividing it.

2. Open a personal bank account

Open an account in your name only, at a different bank than where you have joint accounts.

This isn't about hiding money—it's about establishing your own financial foundation. You'll need this for your post-divorce life.

Important: Don't drain joint accounts to fund this. Taking more than your share can backfire legally and set a combative tone.

3. Establish personal credit

If you don't have credit in your own name, start building it now. Open a credit card and use it responsibly.

After divorce, you'll need to rent apartments, get loans, and manage finances independently. Your own credit history makes this possible.

4. Gather 3-5 years of tax returns

Collect both personal and business returns if applicable. These are essential for calculating asset division, spousal support, and child support.

Make copies. Store them somewhere secure that your spouse can't access.

5. Document all assets and debts

Create a comprehensive inventory:

• Bank accounts (checking, savings, money market)
• Investment accounts and brokerage accounts
• Retirement accounts (401k, IRA, pension)
• Real estate (home, rental properties, land)
• Vehicles
• Valuable possessions (jewelry, art, collectibles)
• Credit card balances
• Loans (auto, personal, student)
• Mortgage balance

Include account numbers, current balances, and the institutions holding them.

6. Photograph valuable possessions

Take photos of jewelry, art, collectibles, electronics, and other high-value items. Timestamp the photos if possible.

Store them in cloud backup that only you can access. If items "disappear" during the divorce process, you'll have documentation.

7. Calculate your monthly expenses

What does your life actually cost? Track a few months of spending to understand:

• Housing (mortgage/rent, utilities, maintenance)
• Food and household supplies
• Transportation
• Healthcare
• Children's expenses
• Debt payments
• Personal spending

This creates a realistic picture of your post-divorce budget needs.

Legal Preparation

8. Research your state's divorce laws

Before you talk to an attorney, understand the basics:

• Residency requirements: How long must you live in the state before filing?
• Waiting periods: How long between filing and finalization?
• Grounds: Does your state require a reason (fault) or allow no-fault divorce?
• Property division: Are you in a community property state (50/50 split) or equitable distribution state (fair, not necessarily equal)?

This knowledge helps you ask better questions when you meet with an attorney.

9. Consult with a family law attorney

Most attorneys offer free or low-cost initial consultations. Use this to:

• Understand your rights before making any moves
• Get realistic expectations about likely outcomes
• Ask about cost estimates for your situation

Interview 2-3 attorneys before choosing one. You're hiring someone for one of the most important jobs of your life—take your time.

10. Secure copies of important documents

Gather and copy:

• Birth certificates (yours and children's)
• Marriage certificate
• Social Security cards
• Passports
• Insurance policies (health, life, auto, home)
• Property deeds and vehicle titles
• Business documents if applicable
• Wills and estate planning documents

Store copies somewhere safe that you control.

11. Set up secure communication

• Create a new email address your spouse doesn't know about
• Consider a private P.O. Box for sensitive mail
• Review privacy settings on your phone and computer
• Change passwords on personal accounts
• Be aware that shared devices may track your activity

Emotional Preparation

12. Build your support team

You cannot do this alone—and you shouldn't try.

• Identify 2-3 trusted friends or family members you can rely on
• Consider working with a therapist or counselor
• Look into divorce support groups in your area or online
• Accept that you'll need help and that asking for it isn't weakness

13. If you have children, plan for their needs

Start thinking about:

• Child therapists or counselors who specialize in divorce
• Your custody preferences and realistic expectations
• How to maintain stability in their schools and activities
• Documenting your involvement in their daily care (this matters for custody)

14. Create a safety plan if needed

If domestic abuse is present—physical, emotional, or financial—additional planning is essential:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
• Document incidents with dates and details
• Have emergency resources and a safe place to go
• Consider consulting with a domestic violence advocate before taking action

Your safety comes first. Always.

15. Be certain about your decision

Have you tried marriage counseling? Have you clearly communicated your concerns? Is this truly what you want?

Once you file, the dynamic changes permanently. Even if you reconcile later, the relationship will never be the same as before papers were filed.

It's okay to be uncertain—that's human. But take time to be as sure as you can be.

---

What NOT to Do Before Filing:

• Don't threaten divorce in anger
• Don't move out without legal advice (this can affect custody and property rights)
• Don't hide or transfer assets (this is illegal and will backfire)
• Don't badmouth your spouse to your children
• Don't make major purchases or financial decisions
• Don't post about your situation on social media

---

Part 2: During the Divorce Process (Items 16-35)

The divorce process can take months or even years. Contested cases with complex assets or custody disputes can drag on longer than you'd imagine.

This phase requires patience, documentation, and self-preservation. Here's how to protect yourself while navigating the legal system—and maintain your sanity.

Legal Process

16. Understand the type of divorce

Which path you take affects everything:

• Uncontested: You and your spouse agree on everything. Fastest, cheapest option.
• Contested: You can't agree, and the court decides disputes. Longest, most expensive.
• Mediated: A neutral third party helps you negotiate agreements. Faster than litigation, requires cooperation.
• Collaborative: Both parties have attorneys but commit to settling outside court. Good for complex cases where you can still communicate.

17. File or respond to the petition

If you're initiating: File the divorce petition with your local court. Your attorney will guide you through this.

If you've been served: Respond within the deadline—usually 20-30 days. Don't ignore the papers. Failure to respond can result in a default judgment against you.

18. Attend all required hearings and mediation

When you appear in court:

• Dress professionally
• Arrive early
• Bring all requested documents
• Keep emotions in check—this isn't the place to vent about your spouse
• Let your attorney do the talking unless directly addressed

19. Complete financial disclosures honestly

Both parties are required to disclose all assets and debts. This includes:

• Bank accounts
• Retirement accounts (401k, IRA, pension)
• Stock options and RSUs
• Business interests
• Real estate
• Debts

Hiding assets is illegal and can result in serious penalties, including losing assets you would have been entitled to.

20. Negotiate or litigate key issues

The major decisions that need resolution:

• Property division (who gets what)
• Spousal support/alimony (amount and duration)
• Child custody (legal and physical)
• Parenting time schedule
• Child support

21. Keep detailed records of everything

Document obsessively:

• Save all communications with your spouse (email, text)
• Track parenting time—who has the kids when
• Keep receipts for expenses
• Maintain a timeline of significant events
• Date and describe any incidents relevant to custody or conduct

22. Stay off social media (or lock it down)

This is not optional.

Posts, photos, and comments can and will be used as evidence. Even "friends only" content can be screenshot and submitted to the court.

Don't vent about your spouse online. Don't post pictures of new relationships, expensive purchases, or vacations. Don't give the other side ammunition.

23. Don't make informal agreements

Get everything in writing. Verbal agreements aren't enforceable.

If you agree to temporary arrangements (who pays which bills, when kids will be with whom), document them in writing and have both parties acknowledge.

Financial Protection

24. Create a divorce-specific budget

Your finances during divorce are different than normal life:

• Legal fees: Average $15,000-30,000 for contested divorce; much less for uncontested
• Living expenses if you need to move
• Child-related costs
• Emergency fund for unexpected legal developments

Plan for this being expensive.

25. Close or freeze joint credit accounts

Prevent your spouse from accumulating debt in your name. Options include:

• Closing joint accounts entirely
• Freezing accounts so no new charges can be made
• Removing yourself as authorized user on their accounts

Consult your attorney first—some states restrict financial moves during divorce.

26. Don't make major financial decisions alone

During the divorce process, avoid:

• Selling the house without agreement or court approval
• Cashing out retirement accounts (huge tax penalties)
• Taking on significant new debt
• Quitting your job

Major financial moves should be strategic and usually require legal guidance.

27. Understand tax implications

Divorce affects your taxes significantly:

• Filing status changes (you can't file jointly after divorce is final)
• Who claims children as dependents must be agreed upon
• Alimony taxation rules have changed (payments are no longer deductible for payer or taxable for recipient for divorces after 2018)

Consider consulting a CPA who understands divorce situations.

28. Address health insurance

If you're on your spouse's plan, you need a transition plan:

• COBRA: Allows you to stay on the same plan for up to 36 months after divorce, but you pay the full premium
• ACA marketplace: May be more affordable depending on your income
• Employer plan: If you work and have access to employer coverage

Don't let coverage lapse—medical emergencies don't wait for divorce to finalize.

Children & Co-Parenting

29. Tell children together if possible

A unified message is best:

• Keep it age-appropriate
• Reassure them this is not their fault
• Present a united front: "We both still love you"
• Don't share adult details about who did what
• Let them ask questions and feel their feelings

Consider a child therapist to help them process.

30. Never badmouth the other parent

Not to your children. Not to family. Not to friends. Not on social media.

Children suffer when caught in the middle. They love both parents, and hearing one parent criticized hurts them—not the other parent.

It can also hurt your custody case. Courts notice which parent supports the child's relationship with the other parent.

31. Develop a parenting plan

Your parenting plan should address:

• Regular weekly/biweekly schedule
• Holidays and special occasions (alternating years, splitting days)
• Summer and school breaks
• Communication protocols (how parents communicate, how children communicate with absent parent)
• Decision-making authority for education, healthcare, religion

32. Consider a co-parenting app

Apps like OurFamilyWizard, TalkingParents, or Cozi can help by:

• Documenting all communication (useful for court)
• Providing shared calendars
• Tracking expenses
• Reducing direct conflict

If communication with your co-parent is difficult, these tools create structure.

33. Maintain routines for children

Stability helps children adjust:

• Same bedtimes, same rules when possible
• Continue their activities and friendships
• Don't overcompensate with gifts or leniency

Children need consistency more than extra treats.

Self-Care & Mental Health

34. Prioritize your mental health

Divorce is a grief process. You're losing:

• A relationship
• Future plans you'd imagined
• An identity (being "married")
• Daily rhythms and routines

Therapy isn't weakness—it's wisdom. Watch for signs of depression or anxiety. Lean on your support team. This is supposed to be hard.

35. Take care of your physical health

Stress takes a physical toll. Your body needs attention:

• Protect your sleep (hard, but important)
• Eat real food (stress eating is real—try to balance)
• Move your body (walking counts)
• Limit alcohol (tempting but counterproductive)

Your health affects your decision-making and emotional resilience.

---

The 5 Stages of Divorce Grief:

1. Denial: "This can't be happening"
2. Anger: At your spouse, yourself, the situation
3. Bargaining: "What if I had done things differently..."
4. Depression: Sadness, withdrawal, loss of motivation
5. Acceptance: Beginning to move forward

You may cycle through these multiple times. That's normal. Grief isn't linear.

---

Part 3: After the Divorce Is Final (Items 36-50)

The judge signed the decree. It's official.

Now what?

This phase is about three things: executing what the decree requires, rebuilding your financial life, and healing. One of those is paperwork. The other two are your new life.

Legal & Administrative

36. Review your divorce decree carefully

Read every word. Understand:

• All terms and conditions
• Deadlines for property transfers
• Requirements for support payments
• Custody and parenting time specifics

Keep multiple copies in safe places. This document governs your life going forward.

37. Execute property transfers

Complete the required transfers:

• Real estate: Record new deeds with the county
• Vehicles: Transfer titles at the DMV
• Retirement accounts: Requires a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) for 401k and pension plans
• Bank accounts: Close joint accounts and divide funds as ordered

38. Update your name (if changing)

If you're returning to a maiden name or choosing a new name:

• Social Security Administration (do this first)
• Driver's license/state ID
• Passport
• Bank accounts and credit cards
• Employer records
• Professional licenses
• Utilities and subscriptions

39. Update beneficiaries on all accounts

This is critical and often forgotten:

• Life insurance policies
• Retirement accounts (401k, IRA)
• Bank accounts
• Investment and brokerage accounts

If you don't update beneficiaries, your ex-spouse may inherit assets even after divorce.

40. Create or update your estate plan

Your old will likely names your ex-spouse. Time for new documents:

• New will
• Power of attorney
• Healthcare directive
• Trust documents if applicable

Remove your ex-spouse from all decision-making authority.

41. Separate remaining joint accounts

Close any lingering joint accounts:

• Joint credit cards
• Joint bank accounts
• Remove each other as authorized users
• Update automatic payments to individual accounts

42. Update your contact information everywhere

If you moved, notify:

• Post office (mail forwarding)
• Banks and creditors
• Employer
• Children's schools
• Doctors and dentists
• Insurance companies
• Government agencies (IRS, voter registration, etc.)

Financial Rebuilding

43. Create your new budget

Single-income reality requires new planning:

• Account for child support received or paid
• Include alimony received or paid
• Build toward an emergency fund (3-6 months of expenses)
• Understand your new tax situation

44. Review and rebuild credit

Pull your credit report again:

• Check for any joint account issues
• Dispute inaccuracies
• Continue building credit in your name
• Monitor for unexpected activity

45. Reevaluate your insurance needs

Review all policies:

• Health: New plan established
• Auto: Update policy to reflect only your vehicles
• Homeowners/renters: Update for new living situation
• Life: Do you still need it? Update beneficiaries.

46. Meet with a financial advisor

Your financial picture has changed dramatically. A professional can help with:

• Retirement planning as a single person
• Investment strategy for divided assets
• Tax planning
• Long-term goals

Personal Healing & Growth

47. Allow yourself to grieve

Even if you wanted the divorce—even if you're relieved—you're still mourning a loss.

There's no timeline for healing. Some days will be harder than others. Some days you'll feel free; some days you'll feel devastated.

Be patient with yourself.

48. Reconnect with yourself

Marriage changes people. Divorce is an opportunity to rediscover who you are:

• Revisit hobbies and interests you'd set aside
• Spend time with friends you may have neglected
• Try something new—you have space for that now
• Explore who you are as an individual, not as half of a couple

49. Consider when you're ready to date

There's no rush. Rebound relationships rarely work, and jumping into dating before you've processed the divorce often leads to repeating old patterns.

Work on yourself first. When you're ready, you'll know. And when you do date, be honest about your past.

50. Celebrate your resilience

You survived one of life's most difficult experiences.

That's not nothing. That's strength.

Acknowledge how far you've come. Look forward more than you look back. Your new chapter starts now.

---

Post-Divorce Don'ts:

• Don't isolate yourself
• Don't rush into a new relationship
• Don't stalk your ex on social media
• Don't neglect your physical health
• Don't forget to enforce your decree if your ex doesn't comply

---

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the first thing I should do if I want a divorce?

Consult with a family law attorney before taking any action. Understanding your rights and likely outcomes in your state will help you make informed decisions. Many attorneys offer free initial consultations.

How long does a divorce typically take?

Uncontested divorces can be finalized in 2-6 months depending on your state's waiting period. Contested divorces involving disputes over assets or custody can take 1-3 years or more.

Why is moving out before divorce often a mistake?

Moving out can affect your custody case—courts prefer maintaining the status quo. It also doubles your living expenses, limits your access to financial documents, and in some states can be viewed as abandonment of marital property.

What assets cannot be touched in a divorce?

Generally, "separate property" is protected:

• Assets owned before marriage (if kept separate)
• Inheritances received individually
• Gifts given specifically to one spouse
• Personal injury settlements

However, if these assets were commingled with marital funds, they may become divisible.

How do I protect myself financially during divorce?

Open personal accounts, document all assets and debts, don't hide assets (illegal and counterproductive), consult your attorney before making financial moves, freeze joint credit, and understand what's marital versus separate property.

Should I hire an attorney or use a mediator?

Attorney: Recommended for contested divorces, complex assets, custody disputes, or situations with power imbalances. Mediator: Works well for amicable divorces where both parties want to cooperate and compromise. You can use both—a mediator to help negotiate, and an attorney to review any agreements.

How do I tell my children about the divorce?

Tell them together if possible. Keep the message age-appropriate. Reassure them it's not their fault. Don't share adult details about who did what. Let them ask questions. Consider a child therapist to help them process.

What happens if my spouse won't sign the divorce papers?

You can still get divorced. After proper service, if your spouse doesn't respond within the deadline (usually 20-30 days), you can request a default judgment. The divorce will proceed, though the outcome may not be exactly what you hoped for.

---

Moving Forward

Divorce is an ending. But it's also a beginning.

This checklist has walked you through 50 tasks across three phases. It's a lot. And completing these tasks won't make the emotional journey easier—only time and healing do that.

But being organized, protected, and informed gives you the best possible foundation for what comes next.

You're stronger than you think. You can do this. And on the other side, there's a life waiting that belongs entirely to you.

One task at a time. One day at a time.

You've got this.